top 5: sexy nerdy search terms

Periodically I look at the search terms people used to find the blog. Mostly it’s stuff like “emily nagoski,” “sex nerd,” or “have to pee during sex.” But occasionally there are things that just crack. me. right. up. There’s been a spate of good ones lately. The best of the best:

5. fetus boggle. Took them to anatomy boggle the third: philtrum. (Double points if you can remember what it is without looking.) So they got a nice little anatomy lesson, but What On Earth could they have been actually looking for? Boggle for fetus development? What?

4. pointy clitoris? This was probably some anxious young woman worried that her clit was abnormal, so I shouldn’t giggle, but it reminds me too much of Steve Martin reading Pointy Birds in The Man with Two Brains. (He also read it in LA Story.) “Oh pointy clit/ Oh pointy pointy….” Anyway if she wanted to know that she was normal, at least she found my homage to the clitoris. Good.

3. penispenispenis. What?!?! Until I myself googled this, I did not realize that (apparently) it’s a term that refers to a particularly unedifying type of trolling behavior. Well, just goes to show ya, huh. This search eventually goes to the post about talking frankly about sex in inappropriate situations.

2. nerds looking at vaginas. This also finds you the post about talking frankly about sex in inappropriate situations. I can not begin to guess that the person was actually seeking, but I must say I just adore the thought “nerds looking at vaginas.” I envision an acne-ridden kid in Buddy Holly spectacles, who’s on the school ping pong team and is likes astronomy, gazing entranced at his or her girlfriend’s glorious secrets for the very first time. Nerds looking at vaginas! Hurray!!!

1. sexual fruit salad. Undoubtedly took them to of chocolate cake, fruit salad, and pornography, a post about the relationship between cognitive load, impulsivity, and stimulus salience. I’m guessing that’s NOT what they were looking for. But god, don’t you just want one now? A sexual fruit salad, I mean. Strawberries, provocatively sliced, and bananas. Lots of berries, indeed – turgid, bursting ovaries that they are. And flowers – also sex organs. Peaches.