funny about cunnilingus

I’ve said – um, over and over – that I just don’t find it funny to say that women’s sexuality is gross.

Maybe I’m a humorless termagant who can’t take a joke. Maybe I’ve just seen too much of the damage done by cultural declaration of the inherent yuckiness of women’s bodies. Maybe I’m right and the jokes really are contributing to a sex negative culture that results in physical and psychological damage, while I’m trying to make the world truly safe for sexual health and diversity.

Fortunately, last week’s “That Mitchell and Webb Look” had an example of a cunnilingus joke that I find completely, stunningly, literally-fell-out-of-my-chair-laughing hilarious. It’s a pair of sketches:

(Sadly no one has isolated the second part for youtube, so you have to get to 5:26)

(5:26 is where it starts)

Since this is a post about humor and women’s sexuality, I must do a terrible, terrible thing: I’m going to dissect the joke. (Douglas Adams famously said, “If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.” Jokes are like cats. I shall sacrifice this joke in the name of sex positivity. Insert “Abide with Me” here.) Okay.

Part of the humor is Mr Mitchell’s Chester the Molester/Herbert the Pervert voice, which we hear only when he’s playing cloyingly, unctuously, gratuitously intimate. It’s more or less the opposite of his angry logic voice and it makes me want to run fast in the opposite direction (in a good way, like running away when the person you fancy squirts you with a water gun).

Part of it, too, is the choice of cunnilingus. Essentially any sexual practice would play on Mr Mitchell’s public persona of British-cold-fish-upper-lip-too-stiff-for-anything-erotic-can’t-say-vagina-in-pubic-oh-shit-I-mean-public. There must have been a moment when people were sitting around going, “What would be the most unimaginable, surprising thing that David Mitchell could have as a hidden talent?” They could have picked masturbation or intercourse or fellatio or spanking or competitive distance ejaculation. Why cunnilingus?

I think that question is answered by the way cunnilingus is treated, particularly in the second bit. The sketch does much, much too good a job at making him sound genuinely good at cunnilingus. This:

And it’s all about women. It’s about making the woman feel comfortable. It’s just about giving yourself over to the moment, sharing yourself completely with the most intimate part of her sex.

is 100% correct. Take away the Chester the Molester voice and what you’ve got right there is Cunnilingus Gospel.

Coming from David Mitchell.

It’s funny because (<– terrible, wicked phrase!) you\’d expect British, hamstrung Mr Mitchell to be sort of skeeved out by vulvas and the sundry vaginal secretions, as indeed so many people are, but no. He\’s a MASTER.

I find it much funnier when people defy the expectation of sex negativity, rather than to play into it. “Yeah, women ARE gross!” or even, “Yeah, gay men don’t like pussy!” is a cheap, shallow, bitter laugh. Far funnier is, “Actually I can’t get ENOUGH of cervical mucus!” from a notoriously non-sexual persona.

Sorry about the dissection. I’ll try to compensate with this illustration of the same kind of joke, brought to you by Irving Berlin and the nonpareil Madeline Kahn: