I don’t fully appreciate why it is people are so interested to hear about hour-long orgasms or female ejaculation, but I can’t give an orgasm talk without someone asking me about these two things. I hope it’s simple curiosity that motivates them to ask, or a playful view of sexuality that welcomes exploration of their full sexual potential. But I fear that they’re motivated by a sense of inadequacy, that if they’re not having extended orgasms with ejaculation they’re somehow broken.
So before I say anything, let’s acknowledge that having extended orgasms is the sexual equivalent of running a marathon. For most people, just jogging a few times a week will bring you all the fitness and health you need. You might occasionally do the odd 5k fun run, but it’s neither necessary nor appealing to put in the effort required to train for a marathon.
So too with orgasm. For most people, regular orgasms are plenty to keep them satisfied, and occasional excursions into the world of multiple or larger orgasm is an exciting but rare adventure.
For lots of folks, it would be more effort than it’s worth to aim for anything more complicated. And that’s just fine – “regular” orgasms are great. So only try out this stuff because it’s fun, not because you feel like it’s necessary in order to have adequate sex. This stuff isn’t even frosting, it’s the candy that decorates the flowers on the frosting on the cake.
Here’s how it works:
Orgasm is the explosive release of sexual tension, often typified by the rhythmic contraction of the pelvic floor muscle. An extended orgasm is not an hour’s worth of contractions; instead, it’s… it’s like every cell in your body is vibrating at the same wavelength. It’s like you’re a bell that’s ringing. It’s a whole body orgasm rather than a genital orgasm.
With extended orgasm, you’re like a filled-up bathtub. Your body is filled with sexual tension. Rather than letting it explode out of you in a standard orgasm, your job is to steadily release sexual tension even as you continue to add it. Like pulling gradually draining water from the tub, while still running the water.
In order to gain this kind of control, you have two homework assignments:
First, do Kegel exercises. This is where you squeeze the sphincters of your pubococcygeal muscle – the muscle that you squeeze when you stop yourself from peeing. There are all kinds of regimens about how often and how long to do these, but the basic rule is: the more the better. More of them, more often, held for longer and longer periods of time. At first, it might be just a second or two, but your can build up to quite a long tension. Strengthening the PC muscles will increase the intensity of the orgasmic experience and give you more control over your arousal level.
Your second homework assignment is to train yourself to be able to reliably have an orgasm within 20 minutes of manual stimulation. This gives you greater control over your arousal level, knowing that even with the normal wear and tear of daily life on your mood, stress level, relationship stability, and all the rest of it, your body will cooperate effectively.
Okay, so when you’ve got these things down – and this along might take a few months of practice – you can try this technique for generating an extended orgasm:
Imagine that arousal levels happen on a scale of 0-10, where 0 is no arousal and 10 is orgasm.
Start at 0. Go up to 6, then back down to 2.
Up to 7, down to 3.
Up to 8, down to 4.
Up to 9, down to 5.
Up to 9.5 (right on the screaming edge of orgasm), down to 6.
In order to back away from the edge of orgasm, you’ll need to make a conscious effort to relaaaaax your abdomen and thigh muscles, because that tension can push you over the edge. You’ll sense the arousal spreading from your genitals, radiating into the rest of your body.
Back to 9.5, down to 7.
Back to 9.5, down to 8.
Back to 9.5, down to 9.
Again, the primary skill this requires is monitoring the muscle tension in your abdomen, thighs, and buttocks. Too much, and you tip over the edge. Too little and you slide away from orgasm.
So that’s it. It’s a project – hell, it’s hobby – that takes time and commitment. But ya know, as hobbies go, it’s inexpensive, ecologically responsible, and calorie-free. If you’re looking for something to do, you could do worse than training yourself to have an hour-long orgasm.
And remember: if you’re not having fun, you’re not doing it right!