top hat question #5: crying with orgasm

From the top hat:

Do many women cry after their first orgasm

Sure. How many? I have no idea. This isn’t something I can get statistics on (as far as I know), but if you watch Betty Dodson’s videos you’ll see that first orgasms are INTENSELY personal experiences that are often accompanied by cathartic laughter or tears – or both.

People cry with orgasms for lots of reasons, not just with their first. Deeply loving orgasms, orgasms that have involved a lot of build up, orgasms that function as a stress reliever, barbiturate, or sedative, or orgasms that you feel ambivalent about are all examples of orgasm in the context of emotional intensity, and they’re all potential sources of post-orgasm weeping.

See, crying is about intensity, not valence. So if emotions are like volume and they can go from mute to 11, then crying happens around 11, regardless of what music is playing, if you see what I mean. It doesn’t matter WHAT you feel, it’s how MUCH you feel. People weep with joy as well as with sorrow. It’s simply the release of intense emotions. Orgasm too is the release of intense emotion – indeed, orgasm research often characterized in the psychology literature as emotion research.

This isn’t what the question is about, but I usually take is as a compliment if someone cries with orgasm – either they experienced something intensely positive or else they trust me enough to show me vulnerability. Of course it’s crucial to check in with the person and listen carefully and empathically, to see if they’re in distress and need help, but if they’re just letting go of some intensity, it’s a super opportunity to bond.