bully for you, chilly for me

Because I spent three days during the last week of February following playing host to Liz Canner, director of Orgasm Inc, when I saw that Laura Berman had something to say about the Northwestern University controversy, I *had* to listen to it.

She said, “When I was in training to become a sex therapist, I mean, this is the kind of thing we were exposed to, at a bare minimum.”

And I thought, “…


”…WHAT?! People came to your classroom and HAD SEX IN FRONT OF YOU when you were a grad student?!?!”

For the record folks, no one ever came and had sex in front of me during my graduate training. No one even offered. And I worked at the Kinsey Institute.

Then she said, “We were being sent down all over the place (42nd St in the 90’s) to witness things.”

Well, oh.

So, (1) I think that going to a peep show is not equivalent to having a live demonstration of sex in a classroom; and (2) a graduate student in professional training is not equivalent to an undergrad in an intro class.

So essentially she had no insight to offer and she confused the issue by bringing up misleading irrelevancies about her own training.

At least she mentioned that college age folks are getting the wrong info about sex from mainstream porn – though it seems to me that, given such an opportunity, I would have found a way to mention that less than a 13 of women are reliably orgasmic from penetration, women are more likely to experience “responsive” desire than “spontaneous” desire, and body image is among the most common sources of sexual dysfunction. Because why waste a media appearance NOT trying to help women understand who they are as sexual people?

When asked about failure during a Q&A session, Alice Ladas said, “When I was on the publicity tour for the G-spot book, our agent told me I don’t have to answer the question I’m asked. So with respect, I’m going to ignore your question and say something I’ve been wanting to say.”

Yeah man. One day soon I’ll write a book. And when people ask me about distraction bullshit or about things outside my area of expertise (both of which, I think, characterize this Berman interview), I’ll harp on about the big themes: the clitoris, responsive desire, body image, confidence and joy. Pay attention to your partner; it’s not about orgasm; enjoy the sex you’re having. And the rest of it is just details or distraction.