SURVEY SAYS: go ahead and touch women without their permission... as long as you never want to talk to her again

A couple weeks ago I created a short, informal survey about how men can approach women with compliments. In a series of posts this week, I’ll talk about the top 3 things these results suggest.


Lesson #1 is:


Touching a woman you don’t know well is a great way to squick her out.


    | | Before we go any further with this, allow me offer a gigantic
    | | CAVEAT LECTOR: **This survey is not science.**                                              
    | |                                                                                             
    | | (1) The questions were made up based on things that really           
    | | happened, but they're not designed to match any kind of   
    | | theoretical framework. They're just some things that               
    | | happened, that seem different from each other.                                       
    | |                                                                       
    | | (2) I have no idea who the respondents are, other than
    | | people with internet access who probably read English.
    | | I didn't ask for any demographic information and there is no 
    | | boy-o-meter that would prevent people who don't identify
    | | as women from responding. I also didn't ask for women who
    | | are ATTRACTED to men. If you're not interested in men,
    | | that may well influence whether or not you enjoy   
    | | a particular way of being approached and complimented.                
    | |
    | | It's just a casual internet survey.
    | |
    | | Take it with All the Grains of Salt.                                                                 


The survey consisted of 5 scenarios and one general “check all that apply.” Three of the questions included different kinds of touching. First there was the “touching only” approach:


The “It Depends” answers were things like this:

And above all:

“I hate to say it, but it depends on what mood I’m in.”


And there was the abrupt touch and compliment:




And then there was the “compliment + gentle touching,” which contrasts interestingly with the “compliment only” question:


I wordled all the knee-touching “It depends” answers:


As you can see it really comes down to how that conversation is going.


Lastly, there were two “physical proximity” items on the “check all that apply list:




GET PERMISSION before you touch.


If you don’t, there’s a 70-98% chance she’ll be *grossed out* by you. And that will not improve either her day or yours, right?


Note: Women were clear that the permission doesn’t always have to be verbal, but it always has come BEFORE the touching. When there is uncertainty or ambiguity, ask explicitly or else don’t do it.


I know some guys aren’t interested in approaching a woman in a way that feels good to the woman. Some guys will see these fairly gigantic numbers and think, “So what? I’ll approach women however I want, and if it makes them uncomfortable that’s their problem.” And those guys are why women dread being approached by men. If you’re a guy who wants women to enjoy being approached by men, you should tell those other guys they’re ruining it for everyone.


If you’re finding this interesting, I’ll be writing up some bonus results in my weekly newsletter, which you can sign up for here, if you like.