A couple weeks ago I created a short, informal survey about how men can approach women with compliments. In a series of posts this week, I’ll talk about the top 3 things these results suggest.
Lesson #1 was: Touching a woman without her permission is a great way to squick her out.
Lesson #2 was: Telling her you find her attractive could go either way – depending mostly on whether she’s attracted to you.
Lesson #3 is:
The best compliments are:
+-----------------------------------------------------------------+ | Before we go any further with this, allow me offer a gigantic | CAVEAT LECTOR: **This survey is not science.** | | | |(1) The questions were made up based on things that really | | happened, but they're not designed to match any kind of | | theoretical framework. They're just some things that happened, | | that seem different from each other. | | | | (2) I have no idea who the respondents are, other than people | | with internet access who probably read English. I didn't ask for | | any demographic information and there is no boy-o-meter that | | would prevent people who don't identify as women from responding. | | | | I also didn't ask for women who are ATTRACTED to men. | | If you're not interested in men, that may well influence | | whether or not you enjoy a particular way of being approached | | and complimented. It's just a casual internet survey. | | | | Take it with All the Grains of Salt. | +-----------------------------------------------------------------+
The survey consisted of 5 scenarios and one general “check all that apply. It’s the “check all that apply” that’s most relevant here.
Here are the four highest scoring:
And here are the four lowest scoring:
Have I mentioned?
Don’t touch without permission.
And only compliment her appearance if you know she’s already into you.
Also relevant is the one compliment scenario that doesn’t involve either touching or her appearance. Check this out:
It turns out, the ladies, they like to be complimented on their professional performance.
And finally we get to the various “Other (please specify)” comments:
- Guys, just look out for what a woman likes about herself and see if you GENUINELY like that about her too. If you do then there is a chance she will really enjoy your company, because she will like who she is around you. If you don’t actually like something about her that is unique to her, or that she will have forever (not just while she is young) then actually I would say leave her alone. Does not have to be a big thing, if you both just want something casual but there has to be SOMETHING other than ‘ooooo she looks like she could make me get an erection!’. - He could engage in genuine conversation. “Moves” and “compliments” do not mean nearly as much to me as a genuine, unforced conversation that flows naturally. - He needs to be himself and be genuine with what he says and does the first time we meet. - Just specify about about the clothes one again: it has to seem genuine. Actually same for the complimenting my “knowledge or intelligence.” He has to be able to back the compliment up with something to show that he knows about the topic enough to be able to compliment. - (Genuine!) compliments that don’t deal with my physical appearance are the best.
- Compliment something specific about what I said, not just “my intelligence” - He could compliment a specific aspect of appearance, such as hair or eyes or the like (Not boobs or butt though, obviously) - compliments on clothes or hair are easy to take when they are specific. I didnt think anybody could pull off silver green hair but wow, it looks nice on you. These are way easier to handle than You are gorgeous/ look delicious/ hot stuff. When complimenting clothes: I like this color combination. A -insert band name- t shirt? I want one too! These are easier compliments to deal with than THATS A FIIIIINE DRESS. - He could compliment me on a specific piece of my work that he was familiar with (eg: a story I wrote for a class we were in together, cupcakes I made for an event he was at, etc) - He has to be able to back the compliment up with something to show that he knows about the topic enough to be able to compliment.
Effective compliments are genuine, specific… and NOT about her appearance.
Men interested in women: you’re welcome. Women who get approached by men: you’re welcome.
It’s all part of the service here at thedirtynormal.